causal updates..

yesterday I was kinda reluctant to have my quiet time..
I felt very robotic, everyday doing the same thing.. reading the same word..
I need a revelation, but always get the surface... I like the kinda revelations that burns my heart like a fire.. The kind that melts me away and keep me thinking the whole day. That comes after meditating a long long time on that same word and linking whatever that was lead to me by the Holy Spirit.

I once prayed and ask God to give me even the crumps of the word would be good and I did got a word and comparing that time and now.. I think I slacked a little..

I use to fast on every Monday but after changing to the 3rd shift schedule, I slacked a little on fasting.. 3 weeks of 3rd shift and I only fasted once. Not a full fast somemore. I felt like a failure.

I try to pray as much as I can but I slack a little also.. felt like a failure also.. In my mind is just the word failure. I failed God. God don't love me anymore. God is angry at me. God won't answer my prayers, stop praying. You are disobedient in this this this this this.. U sinned.. U're a sinner.. and whatever that went through my mind sure is dirt..

Than I just sat there quietly alone downstairs.. God begin to minister to my heart. God is a relational God, be it I sinned or not, it really does not matter, love covers all sin. First is the relationship with God, build more upon worshipping, prayers. God hears prayers. He knows my heart and whatever happens to me is for a reason (bad or good, still got to surface to see). It's not co-incidental. The intention of the heart have to surface before changing. If I don't know what is wrong, I cannot right the wrong. There is no wrong to right. God don't deal with robots. He deals with people with emotions. People who feels, people who sense.

I walk home set free from alot of guilt.
All I can say is, God's grace is always enough, His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.

Without putting me through situations, there is no change.
God didn't create robots, but humans.