Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Can I find a better tomorrow?

My father is starting his nonsense again.. my father will talk non stop for hours on the bed with my mum scolding her, showing vulgar signs and making vulgar remarks. about my mother.. Just because my mum has a friend to lean on, does it mean that my mum have to go through all this mental torment? Jus because they are married, does it mean my dad can abuse my mum like this? Why can't my dad just listen for once? Why can't he take any advice? Why can't he change? What is he thinking of?

From young, my dad is always the authoritative one, be it right or wrong we got to follow if not my mum will face the music and we, the beating. Ever since marriage, my mum has got no freedom to make friends, no freedom to do anything she like. Even now, years after our childhood, whenever my mum want to walk my sis downstairs to take a bus, when my mum comes back, she will face hours of music. I really admire my mum for being able to take it. If it is me, I'd have moved out. Where did my mum found her strength? She's highly possible with depression and I really don't know where to start to take care of these problems.

My mum got a friend outside, a guy, who is in his mid 30s and likes my mum. Whenever my dad starts to brag, my mum would call this guy (who is married) and shu ku. With my dad's inconsiderate constant bombardment, it is really a miracle she is not divorced and that we're still staying under one roof. This guy is to my mum a best friend, at least he listens and not take advantage of her. Is this the best solution? Is there any better tomorrow for us.

I'm attached with my gf, and my jealousy level is liken my dad's. I hate myself. I hate myself for being in the family. I hate myself for being under this terrible curse. I want to love HER and I am never gonna be like my dad. I am not my dad. I WILL NEVER BE.